It’s lunch time. Almost. The entire day has been creeping by mercilessly and the annoying defective fan blade in the air conditioning is beginning to sound kind of like Johnny Cash. Weird. Any humor I would have previously found in this faded away with my sanity a couple of hours ago.
Anyway.
“Call center employee” is apparently synonymous with “verbal punching bag”. Call centers range all over the map, from supporting Fortune 500 companies to shady probably-should-have-read-the-fine-print scam artists. While personally at the more positive end of that spectrum, I still feel the call center woes just like the rest of ‘em.
This week has been full of all sorts of colorful people, as it usually is. And you know, sometimes I can’t help but find humor in some of the people that I encounter. Having worked on phones and over chat for both frontline and escalated technical support, I have to say that people are all around equally explosively entertaining. Alliterative assholes, if you will. Take today for example:
–
“Extension Exorcism”
Billing extensions and promotion demands. The bane of call center supervisors. It is inherently my fault when a person fails to pay their bill for 2 months without any notification of intent to pay and they’re faced with their beloved internet or cable being ixnayed. The First World struggle is real, apparently. Let’s simplify this with an interaction with a rather irascible fellow from Alabama, Angry AL.
Angry AL: I need an extension on my bill.
Nien: I’m very sorry sir, but at this time I’m unable to issue a billing extension.
Angry AL: You’re gonna give it to me.
No, but good theory.
Nien: We would require a full payment of the past due balance to issue a reconnection, sir.
Angry AL: You’ll accept half, turn me back on, and I’ll pay the other half later.
…. Feisty, but no.
Nien: *I proceed to repeat myself*
Angry AL: *Insert some kind of internal combustion sound that couldn’t have been healthy*
Sweet Jaysus!!
Angry AL seemed to either be tired, or he’d pulled a laryngeal muscle, because he’d stopped screaming and was quietly incoherently growling into the receiver. Either way, it was my time to strike at the opportunity to escape.
Nien: Would there be anything else that I can assist you this this evening, Mr. AL?
And you just know that asking a previously-irate customer this question will go one of two ways. So, you hold your breath, squint your eyes shut, and hope for the best.
Angry AL: YOU AIN’T HELP ME AT ALL! MY SHIT’S STILL CUT OFF AIN’T IT?! GO F—
Aaaaand he’s off. A brief moment of wide eyes before the inevitable curling of the corner of the lips. Mr. AL’s got sass, I’ll give him that. Another 3 minutes of various insults go by before
*CLICK*
OH HAPPY DAYS!
Nien: Well! Thank you for your time this evening and thank you for calling. Have a great night!!
Good night, Mr. Angry AL from Alabama.
I need some Excedrin.
Asshole.
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